Who remembers ICQ? The iconic “Uh-oh!” meant you’d received a message. ICQ was a popular instant messaging platform that allowed you to message your friends and family, and even connect randomly with others around the world! I’d chatted with people from USA, UK, Australia, Germany, just to name a few.
23 years ago, I received a message from a guy in the States. As we did the introductions, we had quite a laugh as he said, “Wait till I tell my girlfriend that I’m chatting with a 17-year-old from Singapore!” It turned out Rick F. was a 68-year-old man from Sacramento, California. He was curious about Singapore and started asking questions, and our ICQ friendship began.
I was soon introduced to his girlfriend Alvina. She and I both hit it off and ended up having our own private chats. So here I was, chatting with these 2 senior citizens and learning all about their life in the countryside, with their pet dogs and goats, their children and grandchildren etc. I even learnt about their love story: both had lost their spouses, and found companionship with each other. Alvina worked as a nurse, and she was also a loving great-grandma! Both Rick and Alvina would send me their family newsletters every Christmas season, as it was their tradition, so I really felt like a part of their family.
Our ICQ chats continued through my University days in Brisbane. These were friends I could bring everywhere! They shared in my adventures as I went from teen to adult. And guess what? They got married! I was so happy for them 😊. They even mailed me an invitation despite knowing I wouldn’t be able to attend. I relished in their happiness through the photos they shared with me.
Years went by and our friendship soon graduated from ICQ to emails and gradually Facebook. I was updated with the birth of each new grandchild or great/great-grandchild, graduations, marriages etc. And they congratulated me on my graduation, my first job, and when I got married.
But our online friendship was going to become even more special as we began to arrange to meet in person!
My then-husband ‘B’ and I planned to have our honeymoon in the US, and thought it would be great if we could meet up with these online pals of mine. However, the tour schedule was quite tight, and we only had a day around their area. Rick and Alvina then arranged to meet us at the inn we would be staying, booking a room for themselves so they could wait for us. This was along the way as the tour coach travelled from Las Vegas to San Francisco.
We were delayed and arrived at Fresno in the evening instead of the afternoon, but the moment we checked in, we headed to Rick and Alvina’s room. It was so wonderful to finally meet this lovely couple up close as we embraced each other in warm hugs. They gifted us with a beautiful tapestry of their hometown, and a necklace with a pendant containing actual gold flakes panned. Such precious gifts! We also gave them presents from Singapore. ‘B’ then retired for the night, while I stayed in the room with them through the night as we caught up with each other. Now that I think back, I believe it was truly the highlight of the trip for me, meeting Rick and Alvina.
The years rolled by and as I entered into motherhood, they shared in my life through Facebook posts and messages. Alvina always had an encouraging word for my parenting adventures, and an uplifting message for my troubled times. When Rick and her got a new whirlpool in their yard, they invited me to visit them to enjoy bathing under the stars!
When I was going through the divorce, it got really nasty at one point, and one night, I came home to find the precious tapestry gone. ‘B’ knew how much it meant to me and he had hidden it to get what he wanted. I was beside myself and had to give in just to get the tapestry back. That’s how much I treasured this gift from Rick and Alvina.
A few years back, I moved to my new home and the tapestry took its place on my wall.
When I adopted Kaitlyn, Alvina even lifted me up through prayer and support. But through all these life events, one thing I failed to acknowledge was Rick and Alvina were both ageing… even though I could see it visibly in their photos, there was something that made me think they were always going to be there.
I was wrong.
Yesterday, I was saddened to learn from Rick that Alvina had gone home to be with the Lord. I cannot begin to imagine his loss; I am struggling to come to terms with this. All I could think of was the many times Alvina had invited me to come visit, opening up her home to my family. Always the same reason I had, was that my finances were tight and I wasn’t able to afford a trip to the US, promising that soon, soon I will come visit.
Even though I extended the invitation in kind for them to come over, I also knew it was difficult for both seniors to fly to Singapore.
Now it’s too late. Too late to see Alvina one more time, to hug her again, to hear the sound of her voice and laughter, and how her eyes disappear when she smiles. My children will never get to meet this precious old lady, but I’ll be sure to share my memories with them.
While I am heartbroken, I realise that life is really too short. We need to treasure the ones who are still with us as we’ll never know when it’s the last. For me, I’ll be sure to let the ones who matter to me know that I cherish and appreciate them, and that I love them. I’ll choose to focus on those I hold dear because time is fleeting.
The tapestry Alvina gave me is the only physical memory I have of her, and it will continue to adorn the wall of wherever I call home.
There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.
Diana Cortes
