Life is NOT perfect. Everything is NOT hunky-dory.
Social media has this way of making everyone share only the best moments, the pretty faces, the perfect situations.
How about keeping it real? Who wakes up looking like they just stepped out from a salon? Or those beautiful cupcakes baked with kids — what about the mess in the kitchen? Better yet, that fabulous family photo, just seconds before the kids break down and scream their lungs out… you get what I’m saying, right?
Ever since I’ve shared my adoption story online, I’ve had many message me to tell me how wonderful I am for adopting a child, what an amazing thing I’m doing, etc. For the record, I did not do so for all these compliments — I did it because it’s been a desire in my heart for years. If my story inspires anyone, I’m glad.
For me, I want to do something different. If I’m going to share anything, it’ll be the ups and downs; the good and the bad. Even if it means showing myself in a bad light. So I want to be honest and say, I lied.
About all the photos and videos I’ve shared, and the stories I’ve written — these all show the positive events, the idealistic happy moments, with a blissful mom and happy kids.
While there is truth in them, I also feel it’s like a façade.
Here’s the real truth.
I have lost my patience many times with Kaitlyn… and Joshua. I am definitely not a model mom. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had to yell at Joshua for not doing his homework, for his oversight of school letters and events, and for not helping out more at home.
And with a toddler who constantly bursts into an opera of cries when she doesn’t get what she wants, to screaming like a banshee (honestly, the neighbours must think I’m abusing her or something), life at home is really trying and tiring. To others, Kaitlyn looks like an angel, smiling all the time, charming family members and even random people on the street with her bright smile, cute laughter and flying kisses. But at home, she is quite a terror!
Asking her to wait while I prepare her milk or meal is like telling her she’ll never eat again, ever. Telling her to lie down first while I get her blanket leads to her lips curling downwards and tears welling up to show how cruel I am to let her suffer this way. Or to wait for me to play her songs in the car…
Checking in on her at night only to find that she has stripped herself of her PJs and sleeping only in her diaper, in an air-con room, with the blanket under her. This has been a constant struggle! I have to constantly remind her NOT to remove her clothes, but more often than not, she does. Many a time I’ve walked into her room in the morning to find her stripped naked, diaper off, poop literally all over the sheets😱! She has even eaten her own poop by sticking her fingers into her diaper… 🤢 I’ve tried clothing layers, training pants, onesies over pants, mittens, diaper covers, and short of using masking tape to wrap her up securely.
She is plain stubborn and loves testing her limits. When I told her not to unzip her PJs, she looked at me and just slowly pulled the zip down… all I had to do was look at her with my Mommy glare, and she slowly pulled it back up. When I say “do not touch”, she’ll put her finger out and say “touch” and touch it.
Now don’t come and tell me that she’s still small, she doesn’t understand… she understands just FINE! I don’t know how to explain it, but she does. Like if I said, “Go get your shirt and diaper from your bed”, she toddles to her room and comes out holding both in her hands. I think she’s just out to really test my patience, and push all my buttons.
While I wish I could be a stay at home mom like I was with Joshua, the reality is I need to work and earn an income. Apart from the office, I barely have time to be myself or do things just because I want to.
Coming home after work is never relaxing as what others may think. After I leave the office, I rush to pick Kaitlyn from school lest I get fined for being late.
Once home, I have to:
- prepare dinner
- shower Kaitlyn
- try to eat while the kids eat
- wash up after dinner
- get Kaitlyn in bed
- check on Joshua’s schoolwork etc.
When do I get to actually rest? Once the kids are in bed.
Only then can I:
- settle Knight’s food, water and litter
- have a quick shower
- hand wash the school uniforms
- pack Kaitlyn’s schoolbag
- iron clothes when necessary.
By the time all these are done, it’s nearly 10.30 to 11 at night, and I try to relax in bed before going to sleep (either reading a book or watch Netflix), only to wake the next morning at 6am to prepare the kids for school. That sums up each day of my life for now, which is why it may seem boring to share online, so I jump at any opportunity to show off happier moments, fun times, to make it look like I’ve got it going great! But it’s quite far from the truth 😂.
Friends have asked why I wanted to start all over by adopting when I could soon have more freedom since Joshua was growing up into his teen years. At times when Kaitlyn has been particularly trying, yes, I admit I do wonder too! But do I regret it? Definitely no. Her little giggles and the sweet way she calls me Mommy, her hugs, and her little arms wrapped around my legs when she’s feeling shy… these are the moments I’ll enjoy for now. I’ll just strive on till she’s big enough for me to enjoy ‘freedom’ as they call it.
So, life may not be perfect, but where I am now with my kids, my loved ones…
That’s PERFECT enough for me.
Don’t use social media to impress people; use it to impact people.
Dave Willis
