PART 2
The paperwork chase
With that, the actual process began. I researched online on the steps I needed to take by browsing the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) Adoption website.
To read more on the technicalities of the adoption procedure, click here.
I made an appointment with Lutheran Community Care Services (LCCS) for a Pre-Adoption Briefing (PAB). I chose to go with LCCS because they offered a customised briefing session due to my being a single parent. The two lady officers, M and D were friendly and put me at ease from the very beginning.
After attending the PAB, the next step was the Home Study Report (HSR). This was a tedious and intrusive process and required a lot of personal information to be shared. I had to dig up all my insurance policies, my certificates, bank statements and so on. There was a lengthy form to fill up consisting of many questions about my childhood, relationships with family and friends, hobbies, thoughts on parenting, personal reflections and life choices.
I also had to provide a character reference. Due to being a single applicant, I decided to give more references than required. Even then, who to ask took a lot of consideration.
I finally chose friends from different areas in my life: one from university, one from church and one from work. When I approached them, they were surprised at my decision to adopt, but were glad and willing to write a reference for me.
Choosing the alternative caregiver was not an easy decision. Who could I trust to look after my child should something happen to me? Unfortunately I could not choose my parents as they were well over 50 years of age and would not be considered acceptable by MSF. This was a good time to reflect on the friendships I have, and who I would feel most comfortable with to care for my child. I finally asked a friend whom I’ve known for over 20 years if she and her husband would take on this important role. Thankfully, they said YES!
After submitting the form and respective documents, LCCS contacted me to arrange for an interview. Following that, a home visit was scheduled and M and D came to my home to check if it was suitable for raising a child. They also spoke to Joshua to find out how he felt about having a sibling, how he would help to care for the baby, and on his relationship with me.
All in all, the home visit seemed to have gone well and I was told that once the HSR was ready, they’d let me know.
The search begins
The entire HSR process took about 3-4 months. When I received news that my HSR was approved, I was ecstatic! I had been searching online for adoption agencies that could help me find a child but was unable to proceed until I had my HSR. So I’d busied myself by preparing the baby’s room with a crib and wardrobe, as well as getting some baby clothes and supplies ready. I even bought a few toys!
During this time, I also signed up to attend the Disclosure Workshop organised by TOUCH Family Services Ltd.
This workshop shared how important it is that we not hide the adoption from the child, and on how to go about sharing with the child about the adoption journey. They showed us video interviews of parents sharing how they disclosed to their child, and also the views of those who were adopted and how they found out.
I agree wholeheartedly in not hiding anything from the child. After all, we all have a yearning to know of our background, our history. What more of a child who is adopted — that is why I will not hide anything from my child, and will even support her if she wishes to find her birth parents in the future.
Meanwhile, I’d contacted around 5 adoption agencies: one was the agency a friend had engaged, the rest I’d found online. Sadly, when I spoke to these agents, the vibes I got were of them with $$ signs in their eyes. One agent even told me flat out that she was sorry to say that the babies for adoption are like products for sale, and that she ensures her products are of ‘good quality’.
I found it so difficult speaking with these agencies. The way they treated the babies as goods…just something ‘for sale’. The way they sent me photo after photo of available babies, asking if I wanted to view the baby, and if not, they sent the photos to the next ‘buyer’. Another agent even told me that Chinese baby girls were in low supply, and if I wanted a boy instead.
My mind was reeling — I was NOT shopping for a baby! Seeing all those photos of babies needing a home was overwhelming and I prayed so hard for God’s guidance, asking Him to help bring my baby home.
Then, one agent, R, replied to my query and seemed genuine in wanting to help me find a baby. He sent me a photo of a baby girl and gave me some background details. I felt something flutter in my heart as I looked at her, and as he sent more photos of her, I somehow knew this was my baby. He arranged for me to fly out to meet her a few days later.
When I told my parents, my mom offered to accompany me. I was excited and even bought a little toy for this little baby. Next thing I knew, I was 35,000 feet in the air, on the way to meet my soon-to-be baby.
Love at first sight
I was so nervous! Excited, yes… but overall nervous at the thought of holding a baby that had no connection with me. Would I remember how to carry a baby? What if she cried when I held her and, worse, crying non-stop? As silly as it may seem, I was afraid of the rejection.
The moment I stepped into the room, there she was, all swaddled up and asleep. Her skin complexion was much darker than in the photos but the birthmark I’d seen confirmed this was the same little girl.
She was sleeping so peacefully, but the nanny there just told me to wake her up and started unswaddling her. The baby then opened her eyes and blinked, before stretching out her arms as if to say “What a good nap that was!” She then gave a little smile (ok, so it may have been gas) and looked up at me. Her beautiful eyes captivated me, and I wanted to pick her up. The nanny insisted I ‘check her out’ by examining the body etc, to make sure there was nothing ‘wrong’ with the baby. While I appreciated the advice, it just seemed to spoil this special moment.
Once in my arms, this precious bundle snuggled right in and starting gazing at me as I spoke to her. For the next 3 to 4 hours, I couldn’t bear to put her down. I held her and sang to her, chatted with her about the family at home, fed her milk, and played with the rattle I’d bought for her as a first gift. While she napped after her milk, I had a quick bite of the lunch my mom had bought. The afternoon went by quickly and soon I had to get ready to go back to the airport. I remember saying to her: “This isn’t goodbye… Mommy will be waiting for you at home,” and reluctantly handed her back to the nanny.
On the flight home, my mom shared her concerns with me on the baby’s skin tone, and if it would be a factor for me. She advised me to look around more and not feel pressured to commit to this first baby. I didn’t know what she was talking about… this little girl had already captured my heart. And in my mind, I had already given her a name:
Kaitlyn.
| Part 3 |
